nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My penis needs a shock collar
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
