He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
