well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
