So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
