I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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