I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
