i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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