We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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