After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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