Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
