she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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