i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As shirtless as possible
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
