I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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