I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
