So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
