remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
