Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
