Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
