sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
