Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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