i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
