Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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