last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize