Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
