i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
