Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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