Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
A+ Viking dick
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
