i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
