Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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