wrigley field is MILF paradise
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
