i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
