A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
