You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wish i was in the wii world.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize