I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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