Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
50% drunk capacity currently
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
