Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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