just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
