Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
