I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
