True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Do vagina's smell?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
