If i come over, it means nothing
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We're too hungover to prance.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
