Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
