Do you still have your period?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
