he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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