I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
