All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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