I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
