I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
