Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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