Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
