fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
