So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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