Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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