Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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