Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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