Michael Bay diarrhea
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
