What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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