butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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