So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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