The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
