dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Drunk is not a location!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
