If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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