I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
