So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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