Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
