The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize