i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
