Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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