he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
