My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
